Eastern philosophy is rife with paradox in a way that the Western world often struggles with. We have developed many ways of distorting how we perceive the world and one of the ways I see the most is the idea of all-or-nothing or black-or-white thinking, a grasping for certainty that leads to a kind of Cartesian anxiety, where we find that anything that isn’t 0% or 100% definite is difficult to comprehend.  I see this a lot in my clients that have problems with misusing drugs or alcohol, the misuse being a symptom of something much deeper (such as trauma) but a mind set that often accompanies the drugs or the alcohol is this all-or-nothing thinking, the idea that if you’re going to drink, you might as well make it a three day bender or once you’ve given up the drink, you’ll never be able to drink again. The thought patterns continue even after the drugs or the alcohol have been put down: people grasp for certainty as a way of reducing their anxiety and making themselves feel safe.  Certainty is less anxiety-inducing than existing in the shades of grey.

In yoga, particularly for me Ashtanga Yoga due to its sequential nature and sameness each day, we see paradox written all over it and both seeing and understanding the paradoxical nature of the practice can teach us to be comfortable with contradiction and learn valuable lessons that we can take into our daily lives. It can be an incredibly demanding practice but learning how to breathe and surrender to the poses whilst still exerting the necessary amount of effort (and not more – which includes frowning and screwing up your face in poses – as far as I know, this doesn’t help) can take your practice to a deeper level. All too often I see people pushing themselves through their yoga practice, veins standing out on their foreheads whilst they grunt their way from pose to pose, people taking inconsistent and rapid breaths which incidentally places more strain on the nervous system, taking us more into the sympathetic nervous system and creating tension in the muscles rather than freeing them as it is the sympathetic nervous system that prepares us for ‘fight or flight’.  Just breathe… and bask in the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for, amongst other things, rest and relaxation. Another paradox is realising that the practice can play an incredibly meaningful part in one’s life (the health benefits, the impact on lifestyle, the sense of community) whilst realising how essentially meaningless it is (does it really matter if you can get your leg behind your head? Life still goes on and then sadly you realise it isn’t a shortcut to Nirvana) can again help us find the shades of grey soothing rather than scary.

In Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, the antidote to all-or-nothing thinking is ‘both-and’ thinking. As someone who was afflicted by all-or-nothing thinking for a large part of my life, this was revolutionary! I could be both a yoga teacher and enjoy a glass (or several) of wine! Up until that point I had carried with me a slight guilt when comparing my more hedonic lifestyle to other yoga teachers that seemed to exist on a diet of sprouted seeds, green tea and chakra opening. I could both find incredible meaning in my Ashtanga practice and feel OK to have the odd lie in every now and then, and not have to follow the somewhat over-zealous and rigid approach that can be found amongst some practitioners of Ashtanga yoga. I finally understood the concept of effortless effort. It’s not something I can say I manage throughout every second of my practice, particularly towards the more challenging poses I’m on, but it’s something I aspire to and aim towards.

To finish we journey back to the East with the picture in the header of this post, and the Taoist concept of yin and yang – an image that has become somewhat clichéd but one that symbolises so eloquently the balancing and interconnectedness of opposites, each side needing its opposite to exist but both existing in harmony and being complementary to each other. And back to the West, or rather Iceland, with this incredibly beautiful song by Björk which espouses a way of being in both our yoga practice and life in general. A lullaby for living. A journey unknowingly hinting at wholeness. Again.

It’s not meant to be a strife
It’s not meant to be a struggle uphill

It’s not meant to be a strife
It’s not meant to be a struggle uphill

You’re trying too hard
Surrender
Give yourself in
You’re trying too hard
You’re trying too hard

It’s not meant to be a strife
It’s not meant to be a struggle uphill
Sweetly
It’s not meant to be a strife
To enjoy
It’s not meant to be a stuggle uphill

It’s warmer now
Lean into it
Unfold
Unfold in a generous way
Surrender

It’s not meant to be a srife (surrender)
It’s not meant (undo) to be a struggle uphill (undo)
It’s not meant to be a strife
It’s not meant to be a struggle uphill

I’m praying
To be
In a generous mode
The kindness kind
The kindness kind
To share me

It’s not meant to be a strife
It’s not meant to be a struggle uphill

Undo
If you’re bleeding
Undo
And if you’re sweating
Undo
If you’re crying, darling
Undo

Unravel

The cycle may be interrupted at any of the stages. When someone is desensitised they may fail to experience a sensation. They may become so alienated from their body, or from their emotions, that they cannot get in touch with a sensation on any level. For instance, someone with an eating disorder may be completely out of touch with their natural appetite, starving themselves or eating uncontrollably. Others may have learnt strategies to deflect, to stop sensations coming into conscious awareness. Common examples are changing the subject, laughing, or avoiding eye contact. When we apply this to the practice of yoga, some people are so focused on getting to the end of their practice or on getting the pose ‘right’ that they are unaware of sensations arising in the body, painful or pleasurable. Awareness of what a person is doing in their practice may be solely thought-based, or cognitive, instead of beyond words and into sensation. More often than not, those that experience this process in their yoga practice will also be experiencing the same process occurring in their lives. Yoga can be used to help an individual get back in touch with their bodies, with sensation, and at a deeper level, to help people become aware of the strategies they use to avoid dealing with their feelings.

Others may be in touch with their feelings, but are unable to mobilise themselves to take action. This may be as a result of core beliefs – that is, ideas and values that a person has taken on board, often from parents, without challenge. This can often happen in early childhood, when we tend to believe that everything our parents and the wider society around us, tells us is true. So we come to believe on a deep level that we are lazy or no good, that we are not good enough, that we’ll never do anything right. These deep rooted beliefs can lead to us failing to act on our sensations – never risking going for a job, never speaking out when we feel angry, never signing up for that college course, never coming to self-practice! Gaining an awareness of our core beliefs can help us to understand how we stop ourselves from making contact and satisfying our needs. The practice of yoga, and Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga particularly since it is a set system, can be used as an invaluable mirror to reflect our core beliefs back to us. It is a safe way to allow these beliefs to come to the surface and work with them, doing something different, the process of which can then be transferred into your daily life. What comes up for you during your practice? What are the thoughts, the frustrations, the blocks? How easily do you buy into them and how readily are you able to let them go? In this way, yoga helps us to develop a deeper understanding of our inner selves and our conditioning, and provides a way in which, through awareness, we can begin to de-condition ourselves and return to our original, pure nature. This is one of the five niyamas, observations of self, known as Svadhyaya.

When someone holds back from taking action they are said to be ‘retroflecting’. This holding back of our energy can lead to the energy being turned in on ourselves, which can in turn lead to illness, depression or even self harm. Of course sometimes it is appropriate to hold back from acting, if our impulse is to hit someone or do something dangerous. However, we still need to release the energy in some way, perhaps through talking about it, or expressing it in art. If we fail to do so we may end up hitting ourselves, or punishing ourselves in some other way. Again, this is often seen when individuals push themselves through their practice, often to the brink of injury. In yoga, the action that is most helpful is that of surrender which allows the body to open and be more receptive to the benefits of each asana.

In our fast paced society many of us rush through the second half of the cycle of experience. We move straight from contact to the next contact without taking time to enjoy and fully digest the experience. We can become addicted to the thrill of contact, unable to sit quietly and take time to really check out our sensations and needs. The result is a life full of meaningless experiences, none of which really give us what we need. Applying the entire cycle to one whole yoga practice, how much do we really make full contact with what we are doing? If we look at Savasana as being the last part of the cycle, satisfaction and withdrawal, how much do we really allow ourselves to experience and feel these last two stages? How many of us are thinking about what’s next in our day, be it breakfast, work, or anything else? Thoughts get in the way of sensation so again, really try to be present, really allow yourself to feel your increased life-force running through your body, really allow yourself to get to the end of the cycle and ready for the next, whatever it may be.

It’s important to note here that the various personal interruptions we may have to our cycles are usually developed for very good reasons – namely as defence mechanisms at some point in our lives. Someone who was abused as a child may well have developed various interruptions to contact as a way of surviving. Desensitisation may be the most appropriate way to deal with abuse in the moment. Retroflection may be the only way to cope with the anger felt towards an adult abuser. It is important to see these tactics as valuable defences that an individual developed in order to survive. Now in adulthood they may no longer be helpful, the abuser is no longer present and it may be safe to learn to connect with our feelings again and to let go of some of our anger.

A healthy cycle of awareness allows us to have the necessary closure in order to be able to move on with our lives.

someday you will die
lying on your sick bed
about to breathe your last
you will be assailed by every kind of pain
your mind will be filled
with fears and anxieties
and you will not know
what to do or where to go
only then will you realise
that you have not practised well
the skandhas/aggregates (matter, sensations, conceptions, impulses and consciousness)
and the four elements in you
will quickly disentegrate
and your consciousness will be pulled
wherever your ancient, twisted karma leads it
impermanence does not hesitate
death will not wait
you will not be able to extend your life by even a second
how many thousands more times
will you have to pass through the gates of birth and death
if these words are challenging
even insulting
let them be an encouragement
for you to change
practise heroically
do not accumulate unnecessary possessions
don’t give up
still your mind
end wrong perceptions
concentrate and do not run after the objects of your senses
practise diligently
be determined not to let your days and months
pass by wastefully